Get Lost

蒼茫草原中的孤鳥，你可曾迷失了方向？

　　Obama的書「Dreams from My Father」，書中有一小段話，經常在我腦中迴盪，他第一次回肯亞尋根，他的姊姊Auma 和他的姑Zeituni 到機場接他，之後，他們先送她姑姑回去上班，以下就是這段節錄：
　　We went to drop off Zeituni at Kenya Breweries, a large, drab complex where she worked as a computer programmer. Stepping out of the car, she leaned over again to kiss me on the cheek, then wagged her finger at Auma. “You take good care of Barry now,” she said. “ Make sure he doesn’t get lost again.”
　　Once we were back on the highway, I asked Auma what Zeituni had meant about my getting lost. Auma shrugged.
　　“It’s a common expression here,” she said. “Usually, it means the person hasn’t seen you in a while. ‘You’ve been lost,’ they’ll say. Or ‘Don’t get lost.’ Sometimes it has a more serious meaning. Let’s say a son or husband moves to the city, or to the West, like our Uncle Omar, in Boston. They promise to return after completing school. They say they’ll send for the family once they get settled. At first they write once a week. Then it’s just once a month. Then they stop writing completely. No one sees them again. They’ve been lost, you see. Even if people know where they are,”
　　看這段文字，好像有個結纏繞在我腦海，我想到自己在家人、朋友的心中，是不是也已經get lost.
　　當初來美國，也是打算唸兩年書就回去，沒想到一待，就將近二十年。我們要回去台灣的承諾，年過一年，總是無法兌現。並不是我們不愛家人、朋友了，只是許多現實的因素，讓我們年復一年的飄流。也曾經寄了許多履歷表回台灣，總是石沉大海，天增歲月人增壽，年紀越老，期待一份新工作的機會就更渺茫，就只能期待退休以後再做打算了。
　　有些人get lost 是刻意的，一段不堪回首的過往，讓他們來到新環境後，重新開始，讓過去的一切，徹底根除。
　　不要問我從哪裡來，我的故鄉在遠方，看似浪漫的詞句，其實有著許多無奈與感傷。這種感覺，沒有親身經歷，是很難體會的。